Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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