Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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