his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
