just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
