He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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