1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
