I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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