can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
