Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
