It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
