when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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