I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
