I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
