Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
