I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
