Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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