This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
