No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
