last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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