Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
