my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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