I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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