Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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