Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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