Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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