I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
