I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
