Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
