I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
