It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
