i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She needs sedatives and a leash
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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