Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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