you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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