maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
