What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize