I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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