By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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