I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
