I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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