i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
