tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
