The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I would ride that face into the sunset
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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