We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
