i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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