just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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