I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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