never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
