So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
