Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You smell like stripper and shame
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
