Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
