Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I had to cum in my sink.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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