Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
