He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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