I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
