dude i'm inner monologue high
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
