Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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