I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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