Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
