Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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