You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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