I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
