they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
