i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
