Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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