your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
